My Christmas wreath is for the bird

As I went home the other night, I stuck my key in the lock and something moved in my Christmas wreath. A small bird had apparently decided my fake wreath looked like a good home, until some non-flying creature came along and opened the door.

The first time it happened, I was merely surprised. It happened again last night, and I won’t go into details about how much it startled me. The evidence of how much the bird was started, however, remains on my door.

I should really wash that off.

But while we’re on the subject, I have a word of warning for the health-conscious among you: don’t buy sugar-free peppermint, thinking you can have all you want, since it’s sugar-free.

Large amounts of sucralose (Splenda) apparently have a side effect. Without going into details, I’ll just say that I fully expected the Coast Guard to show up asking who was setting off the foghorn. I was setting records for decibel level and hang time.

You should also know that many sugar free cough drops contain Sorbitol, which can also cause the storm within.

One thought on “My Christmas wreath is for the bird

  1. Dude. I can’t find your email address. Shoot me one at the old same address. (Thanks for the card.)

    Tim Lowe

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